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- Read your book upside down.
- Read your book from right to left, flipping the pages that way to make it obvious.
- Grab a 1000-page book, thump it down, and begin reading – flipping a page every two seconds.
- Every so often, yelp in pain, and look at your feet.
- Break the silence by making a noise as if you have dropped a monstrous fart, then say, “Wow! That was a good one!”
- Read out very loudly and very slowly.
- While pointing to a very simple word, like ‘the’, ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.
- Look over your book and say, “You! I know you! You’re one of them!”
- Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a beeping noise.
- Announce the page number each time you turn a page.
- Glance over your shoulder every few seconds.
- Do multiple sneezes, at full volume.
- While looking at your book, turn so you are facing the person. Then, peer over the top of your book, and say, “Peekaboo!”
- Hold your book right next to your eyes.
- Pretend you have a nervous, involuntary tic, which concludes with you shouting, “Oooh-ahhh.”
- Find a thesaurus and say in complete astonishment, “Wow! Did you know that negative and no mean the same thing?”
- Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.
- Crawl under the table, and pretend you are asleep, snoring very loudly.
- Bring a bottle of mouth freshener, miss when you try to spray it into your mouth, get it in your eye, scream in agony, and roll on the floor clutching your eye.
- Collapse on the floor. Do twenty push-ups, shouting, “Yes, Sergeant, I have been a bad, bad soldier and twenty push-ups will make a man of me.” Then get up like nothing happened.